B-School is a place to go when you have nowhere else to turn to. It is a place that will accept you at your worst when you don’t see your career going anywhere. All the recluses of the world and people who find themselves out of place in their jobs end up here. When you get here you are in for a bit of a shock. You realise that it is basically a glorified dating app. You meet many people - some you like, some you don’t, some who like you and others who you call friends.
Just like a dating app, you think you’ll end up becoming a better person through the connections you make but you only end up failing to make any meaningful relationships. Sure you’ll find a friend or 2 who will be there for you but beyond that the whole thing is pointless and an overall waste of time.
There is little to no learning that happens. You spend two years not caring or bothering about what’s happening in the world outside even when you are supposedly being trained for the same. The only perks are that there are multiple batches of people who’ve already invested in an MBA and want others to do the same to ensure that their own degree is still worth something. Believe me, nobody sells you on an MBA degree better than a B-school alumnus.
Having spent three terms at a B-school, it is clear that this education is only for some. Most other people are better off staying as far as possible. It is only for a few, those ready to trade their soul to the highest bidder. The auction happens in various test centres nationwide for 2 hours, once every year.
Once here, you feel alienated from the very first day because it feels like you jumped into a war where everyone has a sword and you came armed with a toothpick. Everyone has multiple startups and has attended a conference at Harvard in 10th grade when you were stuck in the gutter trying to take out the ball your friend hit. Then you find some people who are ready to grind it out with you. When you find that group, they will become your support group. You will find yourself thinking, dammit I should’ve met them earlier, they are fun.
Sometimes the love goes overboard. Some people even get so attached to their group that they begin to have delusions that their group is the coolest or the most influential in the college. The truth is far from it. Such is the hubris among some people on B-school campuses. In this setup, there exists a universal law for MBA colleges - the theory of moonlighting. It goes like this -
“If a group in a B-school is affected by outside factors, moonlighters* are bound to be attached to it. Further, it is futile to attempt the removal of the moonlighter(s) from the group as it will accelerate the group's demise, which is the least desirable condition."
*Moonlighting is the process by which a person who is an integral part of a B school group fulfils his or her feral urges to join a different group from the one they hang out with usually. A moonlighter is anyone who moonlights. This can happen due to many possibilities, the main of which are -
A particular interest group where the person meets up with people with the same interests and/or obligations as them, such as a consulting club or a football team.
A girlfriend/boyfriend who’s part of a different group. In that case, it becomes an obligation for the pair to spend some time with the groups of the other, whether willingly or otherwise. The individuals are tethered to their groups and can’t spend too much time away from their group so the pair have to take turns in spending time with the other’s groups. Usually, a good indicator of who has the upper hand in the relationship is to see who spends more time with which group.
B-school students, for all their flaws, are still human. Additionally, most of them are chronic minglers. Consequently, moonlighting is a frequent occurrence. In this context, moonlighting becomes the main source of the most important asset of a business school student - gossip. It is the only way vital information and news about the latest social updates spreads and moonlighting is essential to it. Having the latest gossip at your fingertips gives a person a sense of unearned entitlement that substitutes for power. It is a cheap feeling typically associated with jobless people, which makes it more or less perfect for a B-school student.
Most groups think of themselves as the mafia and any non-superficial interaction with other groups is looked at with great contempt. However morally ambiguous moonlighting is, the people most affected by these moonlighters are this friend group who feel betrayed by the moonlighter.
But these moonlighters have the singular ability to not care. They know and understand that they are necessary carriers of important information and no group can ‘afford’ to make them homeless. They will continue moonlighting for the two years they spend at the B-school and still be liked by their group.
And for any of you moonlighters out there reading this, know that you matter.
Personal attack as well as validation!😂
What is this shade throwing